


Maybe You Just Gotta Go With It

by marvelfan4lyfe



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Pining, i pictured it a lot happier in my mind, shit ton of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-14 14:08:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4567422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelfan4lyfe/pseuds/marvelfan4lyfe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky just finds it hard to deal with his emotions</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe You Just Gotta Go With It

Bucky doesn’t say anything as he listens to Steve recounting the night he spent with Sally Williams. She actually seemed interested in Steve, always laughing whenever Steve would start stammering around her cause she said it was cute. She was the one who would ask Steve questions and reassured him she was having a wonderful time when he apologized for being boring. Dinner was actually fun, and when he walked her to her door, she actually kissed him. “She even promised me a second date, can you believe that, Buck?” Steve smiles, replaying the events of the night over and over in his head.

Bucky only forces a grin to appear on his face, laughs as he says, “See? Told ya you’d get a girl one day!” and pats Steve on the back. He wants to say he doesn’t want Steve to see her again, which only makes him feel more guilty to think that way cause he can see how happy Steve is with her.

“Guess your luck is finally turning around, huh Stevie?”

He doesn’t say how betrayed he feels  
****************************************************  
Bucky doesn’t say anything whenever he listens to Steve talking about Peggy Carter, always saying how great she is and how he’d love to take her to a dance one day. She was the only person besides Bucky who truly knew Steve, who looked past his body and liked him for who he was, not what he looked like. And Bucky did admire her for that, but he couldn’t help but feel this…jealousy towards her. As selfish as it seems, it actually made Bucky feel disappointed that Steve wasn’t just his anymore. Okay, he knew that he didn’t own Steve or anything, but he did sometimes get weirdly possessive thoughts whenever he saw someone with him. It only made Bucky feel worse about himself.

He was always afraid that Steve would figure out that he deserved someone better than Bucky, and now that everyone was talking about Captain America, the chances of that happening were even higher. But he never tells Steve what he’s so worried about. Instead, he buries the worries deep inside him, so no one will ever know what Bucky’s thinking. 

“I can hear the wedding bells already.” He smiles as Steve laughs.

He doesn’t say how jealous he feels.  
*****************************************************  
Bucky doesn’t say anything when he sees a soldier flirting with Steve, making him blush the way he did around Peggy Carter. They’re both sitting close to each other on the log by the fire, the soldier’s hand resting on Steve’s thigh. He’s smiling shyly, rubbing the back of his neck and chuckling nervously at whatever the soldier was saying to him. He glances up, opens his mouth as if to say something, but it immediately shuts closed when he sees Bucky standing not too far away. The smile on Steve’s face fades away, the blush on his face paling as his eyes widen a bit. Bucky works to keep his expression blank, trying not giving away the fact that his mind was currently racing with a million questions per second, but he’s pretty sure the shock is showing on his face.

The soldier looks back to see what Steve was looking at, sees Bucky, and his smile just vanishes. He briefly glances at Steve and excuses himself, standing up and walking past Bucky with a curt nod. Bucky doesn’t respond and only walks forward to sit down next to Steve, who looked like he was going to puke.

“Bucky, I…” The words are stuck in his throat and he tries to swallow them down.  
Bucky just shakes his head and smiles. 

“You don’t gotta explain yourself, Steve. It’s okay.”

The fear in Steve’s eyes dissolve. Relief washes over.

Bucky doesn’t say how confused he feels.

*****************************************************  
Bucky falls.

It’s too late to say anything.

*****************************************************  
The Winter Soldier knows not to say anything while being punished for not reporting back immediately after the mission was done. Even though his mind was racing with questions, he doesn’t dare to open his mouth. 

He saw something, something that he remembered from before that caused him to wander. (Was there a before?) There was a man on the newspapers. They say he’s a hero reborn. 

Found in the ice.

Blonde hair, familiar blue eyes. Did the Winter Soldier know him?

Forgot his name. What was his name? 

Started with an S.

Stan? Stephen?

He was handsome. The Winter Soldier thinks he may have admired him before(?). 

Everyone loves the man.

Who wouldn’t?

The Winter Soldier just barely registers the fact that they are putting him back in the chair. He realizes it too late, but he doesn’t try to fight. His emotions were tiring him. Maybe this would help.

They put the Winter Soldier back in the cryo tube.

He doesn’t say anything for a long time.  
*****************************************************  
The man on the bridge is Steve. 

He says that the Winter Soldier knows him. But no… he’s wrong. Wasn’t he? The Winter Soldier has no friends, yet the man insists that they are. 

The man- Steve is falling now.

Should he save him? 

No, his mission was to kill him. His mission is done.

But…

He knows him. He knows Steve.

He has to save Steve.

The Winter Soldier jumps down.

 

He’s dragging Steve up the shore. He touches his face.

There’s a quick press of lips against his forehead.

They’ll see each other again. The Winter Soldier is sure of that.

*****************************************************  
He’s living with Steve now, but it’s not easy for either of them. There’s just a lot of crying, a lot of pain, and a shit ton of sleepless nights. On good days, Bucky would be able to sleep for a little while, but tonight was not one of those nights. He just could not fucking sleep. He found himself looking up at the ceiling, sitting on the too soft carpet in nothing but his boxers. The faint sound of the cars below was the only thing accompanying him tonight. He was pretty sure that Steve was asleep by now, and he didn’t want to wake him up for something as stupid as not being able to sleep. Bucky could manage. Besides, there was a lot on his mind right now. Mostly about Steve.

95 years, huh? It was a fucking miracle they both were here together, no matter how messed up they were. At least they were messed up together, right? Bucky sighed, getting up and sitting on the ledge of the window to look down at the busy streets instead. What a fucking mess they were…  
And it seems that after all those years being Hydra’s obedient little soldier, they couldn’t erase the fact that Bucky was still hopelessly in love with Steve. Which was fucking great cause even after all the shit they’ve been through, Bucky still couldn’t muster up the courage to say something. What was he, some lovesick teenager?  
Bucky ran his hand through his hair, tugging at it a bit in frustration. Why the fuck was it so hard to just say those three words? Why the fuck could he still not say something- anything- after 95 fucking years? Why?

He took in a deep breath. Maybe…now…

No. No, it was a stupid idea. First off, it was 4 in the morning and Steve was sleeping. And secondly, he had seen Steve getting more comfortable with Sharon, always laughing and making easy conversation with her. Yeah, it was great that Steve had been socializing more outside of his small group of friends, but Bucky still got that feeling of jealousy he’d gotten when he’d see Steve and Peggy talking. 

Guess some things don’t change, Bucky thought bitterly. Sharon would be good for Steve, just like how Peggy was. They’d be happy together…

Bucky would just ruin things if he did say something. 

On that note, Bucky got up, tired from all the depressing thoughts he had, and fell asleep in bed.

And when Steve woke him up the next day with a small grin on his face and a spatula in one hand, Bucky only smiles back and mumbles a good morning.

He doesn’t say anything else.

**Author's Note:**

> well.  
> i think that was the most depressing stucky fic ive ever written. it was actually supposed to have a happy ending, but you know, i just started thinking and noticed that in a lot of stucky fics with pining, they do confess to each other, but i just wanted to take a different route. so yeah, hope you enjoyed that! if you wanna read more of my fics, theyre on divabucky.tumblr.com
> 
> have a nice day!


End file.
